What Makes a Child Feel Like They Matter? |
What's a Parent's Role?
Take our Authoritative Parenting Test
Find a family therapist near me
The first three years of life is an important time to help children feel loved and important.
Jobs in and outside of the home when children are older can also add to a sense of purpose.
Today I listened to a podcast on the importance of "mattering" with Jennifer Wallace, author of Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Meaning and Purpose.
We all want to matter. We want other people to love us and miss us if we aren't there. We want to be important to at least a few other people. We want to feel seen and valued, and we want and need to have a real sense of purpose in life. How do we get there? And just as important, how do we get our children there? How can we help them to feel that they matter? And how can we help them to feel that their lives have purpose?
Do we use "gentle parenting," trying not to correct them too often? Every time they do something, do we tell them, "Good job, Buddy?"
I don't think these necessarily work. I think we help children feel they matter by telling them and showing them clearly and directly that what they do and feel and how they behave is important to us.
And this is where the first three years of life come in. These are the years when parental input is the most labor-intensive and also the most important in regard to building the child's internal capacities for self-soothing, self-regulation, and self-esteem. This is when children build the basis for their sense of themselves.
And how is a parent supposed to make sure they are doing the best they can to provide the building blocks for these important aspects of the child's development? The complete answer is far too long to include in a brief blog post. But a few of the most important things a parent can do occur........