Do Parental Expectations Help or Hurt? |
We all have expectations of our children. We are conscious of some of these — and less conscious of others. I want to talk about several issues regarding these expectations.
First, as soon as we think about having a baby, we imagine what that baby will be like: what they might look like, what their personality might be like, what their abilities might be. Often we hope for a child who will be a particular way, or have particular skills and abilities. If school was important for us, we might hope for a child who is "smart" and does well in school. The opposite may result in the same outcome: If we didn't have a chance to go to college or graduate school ourselves, we might hope for a child who does just this.
It is important to be aware of these expectations and to ask ourselves whether they leave room for our child to be who they are and to establish their own goals.
Second, it is important to look at what our expectations do to our children. If we expect our children to get all A's, what happens if they turn out to have a learning disability and reading or math just doesn't come easily to them?........