Losing a partner to death is one of the worst things that can happen in life. Losing a partner who was also a parent to the children you shared is especially hard.
And living life as a single, bereaved parent is excruciating.
So, eventually, a parent whose partner has died may want to find someone with whom to have a new relationship. And once the parent finds someone they feel they would like to continue seeing, they may consider introducing this new partner to their children. If you are in this position, you will wonder and worry about what effect doing so will have on your children.
For example, Matt came to see me several months after his wife’s death due to a prolonged illness. He talked a great deal about his two children and wanted my assistance in helping them deal with their mother’s death. After spending almost the entire first session talking about this, I asked him how he was doing with his own mourning process.
He was initially reluctant to say too much, but he did tell me that he was very lonely and that he felt unprepared to do the job of both mother and father for his children.
Over the coming months, at the end of each session, I asked Matt more or less the same question about how he was doing—to the point that it became a running joke. He knew that he was reluctant to talk about himself, and he knew that I knew this, too—but he also knew that I would keep pushing him a little bit more each time to talk about himself and his own mourning process.
Gradually, Matt began to talk more about his feelings. He talked about wanting more of a life for himself. He talked about the fact that he would eventually want a new relationship. He wondered if it would be all right to start to date. He also wondered how his children would feel.
About two years after his wife’s death, he began to........