Support or Rescue: What Does the Nervous System Need? |
Understanding Child Development
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Neurodivergence doesn't mean your child can't tolerate any distress and needs to be rescued from it.
A diagnosis is a starting point for determining what a child needs, not a verdict on what they're capable of.
The goal is to figure out what is supportive versus enabling for your unique child, regardless of diagnosis.
Whenever I share a story about a child learning to move through distress instead of being rescued from it, some version of the same comment shows up: “This kid must not be neurodivergent.”
The implication is that a diagnosis of neurodivergence equals an inability to tolerate distress and a need for the environment to eradicate that distress.
This is not what I see in practice.
I work with many kids who have a diagnosis—ADHD, autism, anxiety, sensory processing differences—and many of them can build tolerance for distress, too.
The question isn’t, “Does this child have a diagnosis?” It’s, “What is this child’s actual capacity, in this specific situation, right now?”
Those are two very different questions. Conflating them is leading a lot of parents, especially parents of neurodivergent and highly sensitive kids, to accommodate far more than their child actually needs, out of fear that their nervous system can’t handle it.
Not to mention that diagnosis isn’t the whole story. For a lot of these kids, the diagnosis isn’t a bright line—it’s often, in........