The Anger You Actually Need: When Emotions and Stress Collide |
In my previous post, I discussed how "hangry" and similar states aren't actually anger—they're frozen fight-or-flight responses, anxiety experienced as irritability. But that raises an obvious question: Is there such a thing as real anger? And if so, how do you distinguish it?
The answer is yes. And many people have lost access to it entirely—precisely because they've been taught to suppress all "anger" without recognizing that frozen stress and genuine emotion are fundamentally different.
True anger has characteristics that frozen fight-or-flight completely lacks:
Directional: It points toward a specific violation, not diffuse irritability at everything.
Connected to values: It arises from what you care about, what matters deeply to you.
Proportionate: The intensity matches the actual offense.
Resolving: When addressed or fully experienced, it naturally dissipates.
Think of the parent protecting their bullied child. The person discovering they've been........