In relationships, we often talk about red flags as clear warning signs of potentially harmful or abusive behavior. However, a newer term has emerged in the discourse: "beige flags." Beige flags refer to subtle signals or behaviors in a new relationship that suggest potential challenges or even the possibility of eventual abuse. Colleen Hoover’s novel It Ends with Us (and its subsequent film adaptation released in summer 2024) offers several examples of these beige flags, foreshadowing the more serious issues that arise between the protagonist, Lily Bloom, and her boyfriend, Ryle Kincaid.
One of the first beige flags in It Ends with Us occurs early in the story when Lily meets Ryle on a rooftop. Both are experiencing intense emotions related to loss and grief. During their encounter, Ryle demonstrates explosive behavior by throwing a chair. Instead of taking responsibility for his actions, he dismisses it by saying, “It’s a strong chair.” This moment foreshadows Ryle’s tendency to handle stress with aggression, a trait that becomes increasingly problematic as their relationship progresses.
Explosive and aggressive coping styles can be significant predictors of future physical abuse in relationships. A study by Schumacher et al. (2001) found that aggressive behavior toward objects is strongly correlated with physical abuse in intimate relationships. More recent research highlights that maladaptive coping mechanisms, including aggressive actions, often escalate into more severe forms of violence and possible abuse (SonderMind, 2023). Aggressive behaviors and volatile emotional outbursts can lead to a cycle of escalating violence.
Another beige flag involves subtle expressions of jealousy and possessiveness. Although these behaviors may not be overtly controlling at first, they can be early indicators of deeper trust and control issues. In........