Why 'Working Harder' Doesn't Always Work |
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Working harder can keep people in a shame-filled rut.
Approaching old problems in new ways may tap into cognitive flexibility.
Many of us have developed habits of working harder whenever we receive critical feedback for our ADHD challenges. We likely got stuck in this loop more easily if cognitive flexibility was a weak executive function skill for us (I am raising my hand here). If you’re like me, you might not even know how to operate if you did not label many things “problems” in your life and set out to work hard to “fix” those problems.
To work differently, an individual can begin asking more questions when knee-jerk thoughts and feelings arise. Then, an individual needs to brainstorm strategies that are not what they typically do in that same situation. Finally, experimenting with implementing new strategies compassionately and patiently is essential. For some of us, this can actually tap into our ADHD motivation via novel and new experiences.
Here is what this shift can look like in real time: Let’s say that you’ve arrived 15 minutes late to every meeting this week. Your boss made a pointed comment, and your internal critic is screaming.
The Old Habit (The 'Fix'): Your knee-jerk reaction is to double down on discipline. You tell yourself, “I just need to try harder. I’ll set my alarm 30 minutes earlier and stop being so lazy.” In this moment, you are treating your ADHD like a moral failing that can be cured with enough willpower.
The Shift (The Curiosity): Instead of letting your inner critic take you down a shame spiral, you pause. You ask: “What is actually happening in the 20 minutes before I leave?” You realize that you aren't “lazy”—you’re falling victim to “one more thing” syndrome. You see a stray dish, a quick email, or a pair of shoes that needs putting away, and your brain loses track of the transition.
The Experiment: Instead of “trying harder” to be a different person, you try a strategy that feels novel. You might try: The No-Go Zone: You decide that for the 15 minutes before you leave, you are “legally” barred from touching anything that isn't your keys, wallet, or coat. The Compassionate Audit: On Tuesday, you forget about the no-go zone. You might think, “See? I’m broken.” But you look at it like a scientist: “Oh, interesting. The no-go zone didn’t work because I didn't have a reminder. What if I put a physical ribbon across my office door to remind me?”
The No-Go Zone: You decide that for the 15 minutes before you leave, you are “legally” barred from touching anything that isn't your keys, wallet, or coat.
The Compassionate Audit: On Tuesday, you forget about the no-go zone. You might think, “See? I’m broken.” But you look at it like a scientist: “Oh, interesting. The no-go zone didn’t work because I didn't have a reminder. What if I put a physical ribbon across my office door to remind me?”
The Result: By treating the lateness as a design flaw rather than a character flaw, you turn a shameful “problem” into an engaging experiment. You might still be two minutes late, but the heavy weight of the “work harder” loop starts to lift. You’re finally working with your brain’s need for novelty instead of against its executive function gaps.
This shift—from “fixing a flaw” to “running an experiment”—is more than just a mindset trick; it’s a direct play to the ADHD brain’s love for novelty. When we view our challenges as permanent problems that require the blunt force of working harder, we trigger our internal resistance and boredom. However, when we approach a hurdle with the curiosity of a scientist, we tap into a different kind of fuel.
Designing a no-go zone or testing a new sensory cue can reframe a chore into a more high-interest puzzle. This curiosity bypasses the heavy, shame-filled shoulds and instead engages our executive functions through the lens of a new experience. By treating our lives as a series of low-stakes experiments rather than a series of failures to be corrected, we don't just work more effectively—we finally start working in a way that actually motivates us.
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McCabe, J. (2024). How to ADHD: An insider's guide to working with your brain (not against it). Rodale Books.