You are reading this article because you care about doing your best for your children. Allow yourself not to be perfect. No one is.
Siblings need a support system that they can provide to each other. When you schedule the time to talk, tell them you have something important to discuss with them and assure them that no one is sick or dying. If they ask you what you want to talk about, tell them you prefer to discuss it in person. If it isn't possible to speak in person due to residing long distances apart, schedule a time to talk via Zoom, FaceTime, or another video platform.
Avoid telling them via telephone, email, or text. It is too impersonal. Divorce is a major life crisis for all family members. Children who were adults when their parents divorced consistently report that the news of their parents' divorce "rocked the very foundation" of their world!
Make some notes and review them to be familiar with what you intend to say. Anticipate what your children may say and ask you. You can have the notes in front of you and say, "We have made some notes because what we are going to be talking about is very important for all of us, and we don't want to forget anything."
Remember that your children will likely be in shock after you tell them your intentions to separate and end your marriage. They will not be able to absorb everything you say this first time. Be prepared to have the same conversation with them numerous times. Their shock and grieving will interfere with fully taking in all you are sharing.
(If this is true.) Avoid using the word "divorce" because it is laden with negative connotations.
Also, kindly emphasize that there is nothing they can do to prevent it.
Now is the time for you to present a united front with your children. Remember that this news will shatter their view of their family as they have known it. Blaming each other puts them in the........