The Challenges of Infidelity

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Tolyamory is a portmanteau of "tolerate" and "polyamory," where you're resigned to your partner's infidelity.

Tolyamory is not the same as not realizing that you are being cheated on or engaging in ethical polyamory.

To get out of a tolyamorous situation, you have to build the strength and support to stand alone.

As Billie Holiday famously sang, "I'll get by as long as I have you." But should that apply to "tolyamory"? Tolyamory is a portmanteau of "tolerate" and "polyamory," where you know that your partner is being unfaithful to you—like doing the sexy time thing with others—but you basically don't do anything about it.

You could say that this is a rather Savage situation because podcaster and columnist Dan Savage has been credited with first using the term publicly in early 2024. During a podcast, he described it as “someone willing to turn a blind eye to a lap dance or a brief affair after years of marriage.” Basically, it's a put up and shut up situation where you turn a blind eye to your partner's close encounters with others of a sexual kind.

This isn't the same as what's called ethical polyamory. The "ethical" part is that both partners have agreed to allow such things. Both of you have already discussed and are OK with one or both of you having other sexual partners. No, instead think Cameron and........

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