Addiction is an illness. The American Medical Association recognized alcoholism as a disease in 1956 and affirmed the brain disease model of addiction in 1987. Yet, unlike most other illnesses, addiction still carries a stigma—one that can create a deep sense of shame in those of us who love someone with an addiction disorder.

After all, addiction is a disease that impairs thinking, decision-making, and self-control. This can lead to outrageous behaviors, involvement with the criminal justice system, or entanglement with child welfare agencies. The public nature of our loved one’s transgressions can cause us more than worry and embarrassment—it can lead to feelings of shame.

Those feelings deepen if we sense that other people blame us for our loved one’s addiction, especially if that loved one is our child. Even if they don’t say it, some people convey the message that if we were better parents, our loved ones wouldn’t be addicted.

Unfortunately, many of us with an addicted child secretly agree. We blame ourselves. We think of all the mistakes we made as parents—and we all made mistakes—and we tell ourselves that if only we’d done a better job, this addiction would never have happened.

And to rub salt in the wound, there are those constant comparisons we all tend to make, when our inner voice says things like, “Their kid’s going to........

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