The Secret Advantage of Not Doing It Alone |
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Social support can improve performance, reduce stress, increase well-being, and change one's physiology.
The benefits of social support can be experienced through the power of imagination.
Engaging in "helping behaviors" has positive effects for the giver.
The other day on my morning walk, I saw a magnificent flock of birds flying together in a perfect "V" shape through the morning sky, like a group of dancers gliding in harmony across a universal stage. It stopped me in my tracks.
I was reminded of my biking days, when I would ride hard for 30-plus miles in a local bike group, often drafting behind one another at paces sometimes close to 20 miles per hour. It felt exhilarating moving through space together in sync.
This feeling of drafting is hard to describe, but when you're in someone else’s draft, the effort is greatly reduced from what it would be if you were trying to maintain those paces on your own. What would be nearly impossible to sustain alone becomes quite possible when together in a tightly packed group, or even just riding behind one person.
I have found that this phenomenon is true not just for biking; it also has a lot to do with our human emotional experience. When we encounter something challenging—maybe we're trying to accomplish something or are going through a difficult experience—having others to lean on can give us the power and energy to get through.
What would otherwise feel impossible to manage—a physical challenge, a loss, a heartbreak, a scary moment of uncertainty or self-doubt, a hurdle toward achieving something—becomes much more bearable in the presence of a supportive other.
Social support can help boost performance
In an interesting study looking at the effects of social support on physical performance, subjects were asked to perform a handgrip task, which had varying levels of difficulty. When looking at a photograph of a supportive person versus a picture of a stranger, participants demonstrated significantly higher handgrip output, and the effect size increased with task difficulty. This suggests that perceived social support can improve performance during physical challenges.
What is most fascinating to me is that this support came from looking at a photograph of a supportive person. The actual person was not even physically present.
Try This: Think of something that you need to do that requires physical, mental, or emotional energy or motivation. It might be engaging in physical exercise, giving a presentation at work, or getting through some other difficult task. Next, imagine that someone who inspires you is present with you. Sense their care, support, and encouraging words. Notice how this feels in your body. Then, take these feelings as a kind of inner fuel that you can channel toward this activity that matters to you.
Social support can be a psychological resource
Among its many benefits, studies have shown that close social support helps to buffer the stress response. Possible mechanisms of this include the release of the neuropeptide oxytocin, as well as reduced neural activity in regions of the brain that process threat, fear, and negative emotions.
Another way to understand the power of perceived social support is through the lens of polyvagal theory. The supportive figure can be seen as providing cues of safety to the other person’s autonomic nervous system, helping in moments of stress to dial down the individual experiencing "threat." This causes a shift from the fight/flight activity of the autonomic nervous system to a more regulated energy brought about through the social engagement network.
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Some research suggests that using one’s imagination to experience social support can have stress-buffering effects. In this study, participants were put in an MRI machine and asked to recall stressful autobiographical memories. Then, they were asked to either focus on the feelings elicited by these memories or recall them while imagining a conversation with a peer. Results showed that the second group exhibited different neural activity than the first group, associated with decreased negative emotions, decreased loneliness, and increased satisfaction and social support. Once again, this study shows how social support, even when imagined—in this case, mentally picturing the conversation—can help reduce stress.
This reminds me of a situation some years ago. I was driving to the emergency room because a family member was having a significant and scary medical event, and I was gripped by fear. I needed to have my GPS on and couldn’t use my Bluetooth phone in my car to call close friends who could have supported me on the drive. Not knowing what else to do, I imagined myself being surrounded by a "circle of care," seeing the faces and hearing the voices of the caring people in my life, as if they were with me. This made the drive more bearable and helped me cope. (Thankfully, my family member ended up being fine.)
Try this: The next time you find yourself in a stressful or emotionally challenging situation, think about your own circle of care. Imagine being surrounded by caring others, whether they're pets, friends, family, mentors, or spiritual beings. Picture this in your mind, feel their presence, and hear the supportive words they might say. Know this can be a resource for you to draw on for support.
Social support benefits the giver as much as the recipient
Helping and uplifting others not only feels good for the recipient, but it has been shown to have substantial benefits for the one giving support by increasing their mental and emotional health and well-being.
Supporting others has also been found to reduce physical pain. In a study that looked at the effect of altruistic behaviors on physical pain, researchers performed three different experiments. In one part of this experiment, they compared the pain perception of getting blood drawn to donate to hurricane victims versus a routine physical exam. Those donating blood for others reported experiencing less pain than those getting blood drawn for themselves.
In another part of the study, they gave cancer patients experiencing chronic pain an opportunity to partake in a seven-day experiment: Some engaged in daily altruistic behaviors for the good of others, and those in the control group engaged in personal activities. Those in the altruistic group reported decreased perceptions of pain compared to the control group.
Additionally, in an attempt to understand the neural mechanisms involved in pain reduction, the researchers looked at brain imaging and found that those who engaged in altruistic behaviors had reduced activity in parts of the brain thought to be related to pain perception, and increased activation in parts of the brain thought to be associated with meaningfulness.
Try This: Just for fun, engage in some random acts of kindness in the coming weeks, or think about small things you can do to help others you know or in your community. Notice how this lifts you up as well as others and increases your sense of connection, meaning, and purpose. Know that your small act may be just the thing that helps bring ease, comfort, or joy to someone else’s day, and may ripple back to you in unexpected ways.
What I learned from my biking days is that sometimes it's not about peddling harder; it's about learning to find the draft. When we find ways to connect with others and support others along the way, we increase our resources and find that we can thrive, even when things get difficult.
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