Twin Identity: Growing Up and Growing Apart |
Separating from a twin and developing individuality is a gradual, challenging process.
Non-twins may struggle to understand twins’ unique communication and closeness.
Twins may feel guilt for not sharing, complicating the development of individuality.
My interest in twins is personal, professional, and profound. As far back as I can remember, curious strangers always asked my sister and me, “Are you twins?” when they saw us together. Often, being a twin generated a lot of entertainment, attention, comfort, and approval for both of us. Alongside the good times, however, were horrendous fights over who got more ice cream, or who was right and who was wrong. Whatever was happening, for better or worse, I was an identical twin.
And I still am an identical twin who has been asked over and over again by people who know both of us, "Which one are you?" This question still hurts, along with too much curiosity from strangers about my/our twinship.
Additionally, my long-standing interest in twin development is based on my own unique "twin superpower," being able to read my sister's mind or knowing when she is sad, hurt, or in trouble. But looked at differently, I know there are serious communication difficulties for twins who are learning to relate to non-twins who do not and cannot share the very intense closeness that twins share. And, obviously, non-twins have trouble when they try to understand twins’ verbal and non-verbal communication.
For example, onlookers wonder when they watch twins communicate thoughts and feelings........