Twin estrangement starts with unresolved anger between twins in childhood. Perhaps one twin is favored over the other twin for parental personal reasons. Another explanation is that one twin is in need of more attention because of a visual, emotional or cognitive disability. Whatever the reason, these individuals are aware of how they are being treated in comparison to their twin. Without a doubt, there are long-term consequences to how twins are treated differently.
It is a simple decision and an obvious one for parents to see their twins as different and in need of certain special types of attention and communication. But there are serious consequences to how individuality is developed, as well as long-lasting effects on personality and mental health. For example, Mom sees one twin as calmer and more like herself. The calmer twin is favored for emotional reasons by the mother. The more adventure-driven twin is favored by Dad, who is a frustrated world traveler.
In my experience, parental favoritism is a strong determinant of individuality and estrangement. The connection between favoritism, parental personality, and twin estrangement deserves more study.
Parents who see their twins as different are miles ahead of parents who see their twins as “halves of a whole” or copies of one another. Different relationships between parent and child are basic to the development of individuality. However, favoritism can go too far and create anger and distrust between twins.
Here is the parental dilemma. Finding truly unique individuality in twins is crucial. And yet,........