Dear Dr. G.,

I am a 61-year-old woman, and I have to say that aging has caused me a lot of confusion, both personally and in my friendships. When I turned 59, I was diagnosed with a chronic health issue. Initially, I was devastated and blamed it on aging. I was terrified about where this might lead. This took a turn, though, when I found an excellent physician who has prescribed medication that keeps my symptoms under control. Because of this experience, I am grateful for every single day.

Many of my friends, on the other hand, complain about aging and the toll it takes on them. This is a bit difficult for me because I now believe that to be alive is a gift and even a luxury. From my perspective, aging is a wonderful problem to have. Please help me by suggesting ideas on how to handle this issue. It's very hard for me to empathize with the complainers.

—Jayne

Dear Jayne,

I totally understand your dilemma and conflict. Good for you for your gratitude! It would be wonderful if you would share your outlook on aging with your friends. They may benefit tremendously from hearing about your perspective.

In my experience, I have heard aging individuals (particularly those over the age of 60) express concern about many issues. The main issue is about health problems because the fear of getting sick is associated, of course, with a fear of getting a diagnosis associated with death. As I am sure you are aware, as we age, we become aware that we have fewer decades to look forward to than the number of those that we have lived.

In my practice and in other areas of life, I believe that individuals often feel that they are alone in experiencing changes associated with aging. There is a bit of shame associated with these experiences. I am going to share what I am told privately so that the aging realize that they are in good and plentiful company. I will do this in list form so that everyone has a checklist to see how many of these experiences they are having. They are common and often not spoken about.

1. Things start to hurt in areas of your body that you never thought about before. It becomes harder to move as easily as you did a decade ago.

2. Doctor visits become much more frequent and take up a lot of your time. Your internist is likely to refer you to more specialists to get answers and possible diagnoses about all sorts of issues related to arthritis, aches and pains, vision problems, etc.

3. You feel left behind when it comes to technology and often need to request the help of your children.

4. Your friends start to relocate, and you either hear about or experience your same-age peers getting ill or even dying.

5. You start to get ready for bed by 9 p.m. or even earlier. This is, perhaps, every aging person's biggest secret until they start talking with friends. When this secret is shared, there is a great sense of relief, often accompanied by laughter. Phew!

6. Dinner plans for after 6 p.m. are a stretch. You don't want to be out too late because you get tired earlier.

7. It is a struggle to retain many aspects of youthfulness, including unwrinkled skin, a healthy head of hair, a svelte body, etc.

8. Your social circle becomes smaller as people relocate or certain friendships no longer serve you.

9. You begin to tolerate less because you realize what is important to you and what is not.

10. You realize that it's important to have some younger people around so you can be in tune with current trends and cultural issues.

11. When people talk about something that will happen in 30 years, you realize that you may not be alive then. Ouch!

12. You, like your grandmother before you, now carry around a tissue for an itchy or runny nose. This is definitely not uncommon.

13. You become obsessed with articles about longevity, right?

So, Jayne, you have the right idea. We should be grateful for every day that we have, but life does become a bit trickier in a number of ways. So, when friends share what seems to be a bit trivial compared to what you have experienced, show them a better and healthier way to think about life. You can be inspirational to many. Good luck, and thank you!

© Psychology Today