Many couples see sexuality as binary: either intercourse or nothing.

The truth is that fact that your partner wants sex doesn't mean you need to supply it.

Relational masturbation, exploring your own pleasure next to your partner, is a third way to more pleasure.

Co-authored by Galit Romanelli

Sunday morning. The kids are asleep. Adam and Lily just woke up and are enjoying a lazy morning. Adam wants to have sex. Lily doesn't. She's not in the mood. She's tired. She's preoccupied. Doesn't matter. She loves Adam and truly wants him to be happy, but she just doesn’t want to be sexual now.

Sound familiar?What would you do?

This is a common situation that we meet every day in the clinic. The situation worsens when the couple's perception of sexuality is binary: either intercourse or nothing.

In our previous post, we described how sensuality is the bridge between the friends and the lovers in intimate relationships. We believe that the wider the sensuality, the richer the sexuality. The same is true in sex: The wider the sexual playground, the more options for mutual pleasure.

Back to Adam and Lily. Here's what we would suggest to Adam:

“How about pleasuring yourself next to her?”

Yes, we're talking about masturbation.

Let's start with a little exercise.Complete the sentence:

Masturbation is ________.

Masturbation is ________.

I, like many men, grew up with masturbation being something you do alone. Sometimes with a sense of guilt or shame. Oftentimes in the context of porn or other external stimulation. It's not a relational or vulnerable experience.

Women go through a different socialization. As a society, we often frown upon sexual exploration and masturbation for girls........

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