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A new study identifies 45 distinct ways to end a relationship that fall into nine categories.

Most individuals prefer to end relationships by softening the emotional impact.

Personality traits like psychopathy shape how people choose to break up.

New research reveals 45 breakup strategies and ranks the most- and least-preferred ways people end romantic relationships. Here, I explain what they are and why they matter.

The paper, authored by Apostolou and Kagialis, was published recently in Personality and Individual Differences.

Study 1: Identifying Breakup Behaviors

Sample: 228 Greek-speaking individuals (122 women), with an average age of 30 for women and 31 for men. Around 55 percent were currently in a romantic relationship.

Methods: Participants responded to the prompt: “For various reasons, you are not happy with your romantic relationship. Write down a few actions you would take to end this relationship.”

Results: Researchers identified 45 distinct breakup acts.

Study 2: Rating the Breakup Acts

Sample: 392 Greek-speaking participants (185 women). Women averaged 34 years old; men averaged 38. About 41 percent were single.

Methods: Participants evaluated the 45 breakup acts by rating how likely they would be to use each one in an unsatisfactory relationship.

Results: Researchers grouped the breakup behaviors into nine core “breakup strategies” (i.e., common ways people break up) and further classified them into three overarching types.

Based on the results, the following nine breakup strategies represent the most common ways people end relationships. (Note: Representative participant responses are shown with minor edits for clarity and conciseness. Meaning was not altered.)

Nine Breakup Strategies Identified

1. Being Cold and Distant

These individuals relied on emotional withdrawal and passive cues to end the relationship:

Stopping any kind of romance

Behaving in such a way that they (i.e., the partner) would understand on their own that the person wants to end the relationship

Gradually reducing communication and meetings

Showing something is wrong

Creating tension and arguments to start discussions about ending the relationship

2. We Would Be Better Off Going Our Separate Ways

This direct and honest approach focuses on acceptance and moving forward. Examples include:

Saying there is no point in wasting our time in fruitless efforts, and it would be better to break up

Saying it is best for both of us to move on and lead separate lives

Saying I can’t continue our relationship anymore

Saying we had a good time together, but now we need to go our separate ways

Saying I don’t think our relationship has a future

3. Seeing You as a Friend

This gentler method reframes the relationship as a friendship:

Saying they are more of a friend than an intimate partner

Saying I want to stay friends

4. Avoiding Face-to-Face

These breakups used indirect communication—text, phone, or third parties:

Sending a breakup text

Calling and saying I want to break up

Asking a mutual friend to relay the message that I want to break up

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5. Explaining the Reasons

These types of breakups often involve:

Open, honest discussion about feelings and problems

Having a discussion and explaining the reasons why I want to break up

Being honest with them about the reasons

Discussing the reasons why I don’t feel good in this relationship

Discussing why I am not good at this relationship

Explaining directly how I feel

Explaining how I feel and discussing their opinion on our breakup

Saying directly that I want to break up

Some individuals cut off all contact abruptly and with no explanation:

Suddenly leaving without warning

Cutting off all contact

Not answering their texts or calls

Some individuals took responsibility to soften the emotional blow:

Saying I want to break up and take responsibility for why the relationship cannot go forward

Saying I want to break up (but without blaming them)

Saying they did nothing wrong, but my feelings have changed

Saying I want to break up and that they are responsible for this ending (Note: reverse-scored item)

Some participants ended things by revealing cheating or a new romantic interest:

Saying I have cheated on them

Saying I am interested in someone else

Non-final breakups involved creating space to reflect before making a permanent decision:

Saying it would be better to stay away from each other for a while to see how we feel

Saying I need time to think about our relationship

Most and Least Preferred Breakup Strategies

Most Preferred Strategy: “Soften the Blow”

Results show the most preferred strategy was softening the blow. This strategy involves explaining the breakup, taking responsibility, and framing it as mutually beneficial. It aims to reduce emotional harm by offering closure and empathy. Research suggests it may have evolutionary roots; for example, women may have historically used this approach to minimize the risk of retaliation from male partners.

Second Preferred: “Take a Break”

This method suggests a temporary pause rather than a definitive ending. It can help partners clarify their feelings, such as distinguishing between romance and friendship. However, it may also create uncertainty and may not align with the other partner’s wishes.

Least Preferred: “Avoid Confrontation”

This includes strategies like ghosting or emotional withdrawal. These approaches may reflect modern relational dynamics shaped by urban lifestyles, digital communication, and shifting social norms. Though convenient, they can be insensitive and hurtful.

Dark Triad and Breakup Styles

The study also revealed that high Machiavellianism, one of the Dark Triad traits, is linked to a preference for emotionally distant strategies. And high psychopathy is associated with manipulativeness and a tendency to place blame on one’s partner.

These findings are generally consistent with previous research on how people with Dark Triad traits break up.

Practical Implications

People often use breakup strategies to minimize conflict and emotional harm.

Breakup strategies usually depend on the nature of the relationship and the traits of the partner. For example, avoiding confrontation in short-term relationships or choosing to “take a break” when feeling uncertain. Perceptions of the partner, such as being clingy or aggressive, can also influence whether a breakup is softened or handled more indirectly.

Understanding these breakup strategies and common ways to end a relationship can help us navigate difficult breakups more thoughtfully, choose less harmful strategies, and preserve respect in ongoing relationships (e.g., co-parenting).

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