At the start of the new year, after a big fight, or following a major life change, couples often make the promise of a fresh start: New year, new rules. New house, new habits. New chapter, better relationship.

The idea is comforting, and it's easy to understand its appeal. Psychologists even have a name for it: the fresh start effect, the belief that a new beginning creates instant motivation and lasting change. While this concept has some validity when it comes to individual goal-setting, it doesn't work the same way in relationships. In fact, relying on it too heavily can quietly undermine long-term connection.

As a couples therapist, I often see partners hopeful but frustrated, wondering why their "reset" didn't stick. Let's unpack why the fresh start effect is so tempting, where it falls apart in relationships, and what actually leads to meaningful change between partners.

The fresh start effect was first studied in behavioral psychology settings, showing that people feel more motivated to pursue goals after certain landmarks, like birthdays, Mondays, or the start of a new year. These moments help create a separation between "old self" and "new self," which can make change feel more possible.

This works reasonably well for personal behaviors, like starting a workout routine or cutting back on sugar. Relationships, however, are not individual habits. They're........

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