Working with couples provides a unique insight into how trauma affects relationships. Whether one or both partners have experienced traumatic events, the search for safety often proves elusive. While it's well-known that trauma affects individuals neurobiologically, psychologically, and socially, leading to challenges such as trust issues, difficulty with boundaries, fear of intimacy, and a need for control, we often overlook how trauma specifically shapes relationship expectations. Research indicates that couples in which at least one partner has experienced trauma are twice as likely to report relationship dissatisfaction.
One recurring pattern I've observed is the high expectations that traumatized individuals often place on their partners. Many believe their significant other should fulfill all their needs and ensure their happiness, even if they have to neglect their own personal fulfillment. This can escalate to extremes where one partner requires constant reassurance and undivided attention, expects their needs to be intuitively understood, demands unconditional acceptance, and seeks to create a completely safe environment free from any potential triggers or discomforts.
Growing up, I internalized the notion that prioritizing my own happiness was selfish. I was taught that being selfless and making........