Coercive control was written into U.K. law as a crime in 2015, referring to a form of abuse that occurs within a family or intimate partnerships. Coercive control is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation, intimidation, or other abuse designed to harm, punish, or frighten their victim. The controller’s aim is total domination over their partner, restricting their freedom of movement, finances, social activities, clothing, sex life, and occupation. This kind of tyrannical behaviour is sometimes called intimate partner terrorism, as it pervades all aspects of life, creating an atmosphere of paralysis and fear for the partner, and other members of the household. Like other forms of terrorism, the coercive controller does not need to inflict physical violence to ensure their needs are met; the threat of violence can be enough.

For over 30 years I have worked with coercive controllers and their victims, exposed to the many ways that this abuse manifests, and the terrible consequences. The occasional use of violence, sometimes directed against partners, at other times against children or even family pets, scars the bodies and minds of the victims. Ironically, many of these controllers have themselves been victims of abuse in childhood, and learned that treating others with violence, fear, and intimidation is the surest way of maintaining control. As adults, fearing rejection, abandonment, and humiliation, they project these feelings onto others, asserting their role as the one in charge, whom no one would dare to leave.

I have worked with numerous women who were the children, and later victims, of abusive relationships but who said that the violence and coercive control initially felt like markers of care to them. While they did not want........

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