Seeking approval can weaken a leader's credibility when difficult decisions need to be made.

Being likeable is not the same as being liked. And the distinction matters.

Trust and respect are built through fairness, consistency and honest conversations, not popularity.

Strong working relationships don't require friendship, but they do require humanity.

Most of us want our colleagues to like us. After all, we spend more of our time in the company of the people with whom we work than with anybody else, including family.

The relationships we build at work can shape our day-to-day experience and are a major factor in how happy we are in our jobs. A 2024 Catalyst survey found that the higher the quality of working relationships, the more likely employees were to report high job satisfaction and engagement. Retention increases and burnout levels drop.

We want to feel accepted and included, creating a strong pull to be part of the crowd and to be positively received. This desire for connection and acceptance is normal and, in many ways, positive.

For leaders, however, this instinct can undermine the very credibility they need to lead effectively.

The Problem With Trying to Be Liked

I started my first managerial role in my early twenties. Two of my team members were only a few years younger than me, in their late teens. I felt I had more in common with them than with my much older peers. Naturally, I acted more like their friend than their manager.

Although they reported to me, they also worked closely with other managers, who weren’t impressed with their performance and made their views very clear to me.

My........

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