Are you in a “situationship” in your relationship, your career, or with your own life? Not fully in or not fully out. Just staying.

If someone asked you how things really are, would you say, It is complicated. If so, this might be for you.

We use the word complicated when we do not want to tell the truth, but we also do not want to lie. Think about it. We do not usually say: “I am staying because I am afraid to be alone.” “I am cheating emotionally or physically because I do not know how to leave.” “This relationship ended years ago, but we are still together.”

Why do we say: “It's complicated.” That word feels safe from judgment and from ourselves.

What is actually happening in your brain and body? Our brain’s primary job is to keep us alive. LeDoux (1996) and other researchers have shown that the nervous system prioritizes safety and predictability over fulfillment. That is why the brain prefers familiar pain over unknown change, predictable discomfort over peaceful uncertainty. Even when something is unhealthy, if it is known, the body experiences it as safer than the unfamiliar.

And that is why someone can stay in a long-term relationship where they have not been emotionally honest in years. They seek connection outside the relationship. They feel lonely with their partner. Staying feels safer, no matter if it slowly kills joy.

The nervous system says, “Do not move. Stay more and adapt.” And adaptation is usually what we call complicated.

When I was about 6 years old, I used to drink tea with an extreme amount of sugar. Three........

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