I spent nearly a decade in various professional roles that led me to believe I was a “child expert” before ever becoming a parent myself. Before becoming a mother, I had values and expectations that felt thoughtful and well-intentioned, but then I experienced what I can only describe as aggressive humbling from the moment I held my daughter in the hospital. Now that my daughter has just celebrated her fourth birthday, I finally feel ready to express what I've learned from parenthood.

I have a distinct memory of Margot’s third week of life. She was screaming at the top of her lungs (we were on the 4th hour of relentless crying), and I was attempting every soothing approach I could muster and felt like an absolute failure. In a moment of desperation, I Googled “how to make a baby stop crying.” As I read the search results, I felt tears well up in my eyes.

“I have been a play therapist for years, a former educator, and am about to finish my dissertation about children. I should know what to do. Why is this so hard?”

I entered parenthood with a strong belief that I should know everything, that I would remain patient and regulated, and that I would consistently respond in the ways I have........

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