Why Relationships Matter

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The healthiest romantic love is not about being loved less, but about being loved more adequately.

Love involves not only closeness but also freedom, autonomy, and individual identity.

Being seen with our imperfections may be more valuable than being idealized.

We may appreciate being deeply important to someone without wanting to become their entire universe.

Most people dream of being loved more. But can people also feel they are loved too much? Is the notion of “too much love” plausible? I believe it is. The wish to be loved less often arise from four major characteristics of romantic love: (1) love as fusion, (2) the idealizing nature of love, (3) the partial nature of love, and (4) the intense nature of romantic love. In each case, more love does not necessarily mean better love.

“Erotic love is the craving for complete fusion, for union with one other person.” — Erich Fromm

Romantic love is often portrayed as the fusion of two individuals into a single entity. But fusion implies not only closeness; it can also threaten freedom, autonomy, and individual identity. Love should ideally provide conditions for personal growth and self-development—goals that can conflict with the ideal of fusion (Ben-Ze’ev, 2019).

When love is understood as fusion, people may actually wish their partner loved them somewhat less, while preserving a significant degree of freedom for both partners. Romantic relationships are better understood as forms of functional harmony rather than literal fusion: two independent individuals coordinating their lives without becoming a single person. Profound love therefore does not require eliminating all distance between partners. Indeed, some distance enables each person to remain a distinct and flourishing individual.

2. The Idealizing Nature........

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