Video games are full of ancient blades with fascinating stories behind them. Usually, we learn about their histories by unearthing a dusty tome or chatting with an elderly sage. But sometimes, these formidable weapons have minds — and voices! — all their own. That’s the case in the Suikoden games, which feature a recurring non-human character in the form of the Celestial Sword. He’s a sassy old fart with a deep-seated hatred for vampires and a low tolerance for plucky young heroes. He’s also a sterling example of why the world needs more talking swords.

The Celestial Sword — also known as the Star Dragon Sword in early translations — first appears in the original Suikoden, which launched for PlayStation 1 in 1996. Midway through the story, your main objective is to defeat the vampire Neclord. (Get it? He’s undead and he also likes necks!) Problem is, he’s immune to physical and magical attacks, which means you fight your way to the end of his sprawling castle, only for him to wipe the floor with your party. Oof.

Accompanied by the mercenary Viktor, the protagonist Tir........

© Polygon