P&I has obtained a copy of the confidential report to headquarters prepared by a recent intelligence gathering mission to Australia from Mars.
Your most esteemed and benevolent Excellencies
We have the honour to present the final report of our recent expedition to the Blue Planet, hereinafter referred to as Earth. Consistent with the expedition’s objectives, our report offers an assessment of the current civilisational status of earthlings and, in particular, whether the Greater Martian Cooperative Enterprise (GREMCEN) would benefit by now inviting Earth to join its councils.
During the expedition, detailed field research was undertaken in areas of the Earth known as the “United States of America” and the “Middle East”. Inclement weather forced a resupply mission planned for the USA to be relocated to “Australia”. This provided further opportunity to test the hypothesis of the Martian scientific community that life on Earth might actually be in a de-evolutionary phase.
Our year-long visit coincided with a fresh outburst of extinctionising, which earthlings refer to as “war”. They are very fond of this activity and apply the term to almost every facet of daily life, including supermarket competition over food prices, sporting activities and waste disposal. Their philosophical justification for war is presented as........