Rating 2026 Oscar looks — From the good to whatever the hell Gwyneth Paltrow was thinking |
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Rating 2026 Oscar looks — From the good to whatever the hell Gwyneth Paltrow was thinking
Showing off their bizness
I rate the Oscars four oys. Best gowns were Demi Moore’s Gucci, Nicole Kidman’s Chanel, best of all — Kirsten Dunst’s simple quiet design — perfect. The cut, excellent. An elegant black Celine. No fuss, no feathers, no flowers, no friggin’ beads. Black.
Gwyneth Paltrow’s dressmaker maybe specialized in peeing. Her white gown was wide, WIDE, W-I-D-E open on both sides. Ready immediately to engage a toilet. So practical. Frig the camera. This way she was immediately available for a colonoscopy.
The pre-Oscar chit chat. Nobody’s chest was covered. You could’ve had an MRI while on camera. More hairpieces than a gorilla. Hair down sides of the face. Cheeks tighter than body parts. Boobs peeking out. Sculpted behinds grabbing more space than Mt. Etna. The red-carpet banter? Biden in the can was more interesting.
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