Gifts. Who knows what to give to who? For one I suggested ties, which the guy will eventually need, or with everyone sneezing then maybe just handkerchiefs, which he’ll need immediately.

“Buy something he doesn’t have,” friends suggested. Socks? Black socks? A solid gold toothpick — what?! A solid gold toothpick he hasn’t got, right? “No,” sniffed my listeners. He hasn’t one. Wouldn’t want one.

One friend went for a rare book. Nothing he’d have two of. Like real rare. Title? “Arithmetic and How It Is Practiced in Five Different Countries.” For sure he didn’t have two of these. This Hindu plumber can now equate a parabola geometrically in Swedish and Afrikaans. God knows when his new information will prove invaluable. I once gave this to a faraway friend, told him that if a question comes up........

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