Political Kaleidoscope.“February. To get the ink and…”

To weep or to laugh? Deciding on how to finish the line from Boris Pasternak will depend on your mood. The motto of our column is “It could be funny if it weren’t that sad.”

Sorrow Fate of the Kallas List

And the Secretary-General Talking to a Dog

Meanwhile, an extraordinary imagination was demonstrated by NATO Secretary-General Mark Rutte. At the Munich Security Conference, he told the world about … his conversation with a dog regarding the prospects of Kyiv’s military leadership. Some classic jokes come to mind:

A man sees an acquaintance playing chess with a dog.

– Wow, what a smart dog you have!

– What do you mean by smart? The score is 3:2. I’m winning!

An Englishman reads a newspaper advertisement: “Talking dog for sale.” He goes to the address; they show him the dog. He asks, “How did you learn to talk?” Dog: “In my youth, I worked as a mountain rescuer in the Alps. Then I served as a sapper in Iraq.” The Englishman, shocked, asks the owner, “Why are you selling such an incredible dog?” The owner responds, furious: “Because it always tells lies!!! It has never been to Iraq whatsoever!”

If you talk to a cat or a dog, it means you have acute psychosis. If you’re afraid of saying too much around your pet, that’s paranoia. If the animal talks inside your head, it’s schizophrenia. If, however, you complain to your pet, it stays silent and ignores you, and you can’t stand it—it’s neurasthenia.

As for how far Rutte has gone in these medical conditions depicted in the jokes and what to diagnose the European politician with—that, as they say, is up to you…

Macron In Danger Again

The French leader has recently been using unexpectedly sharp anti-American rhetoric. First, at the World Economic Forum in Davos, he called on the European Union to stand up to the Americans in a customs war and to defend Greenland. Then in an interview for Le Monde, he aired his views on seeking an alternative to the dollar. Internet users are asking what prompted him to start doing so. The debate is split. Some put the demarche down to Brigitte, who failed to keep her eyes on the fiery president. Others speculate that the reason may have been an overly enthusiastic attempt to relieve stress following the episode with his bruised eye. Still others note that nobody is taking Macron seriously any longer, with him simply wanting to draw attention to himself with something other than the scandalous information from the “Epstein files,” which cast a shadow on his orientation. Some commentators advise the leader of the Fifth Republic to switch to the ruble. Meanwhile, the shrewdest observers warn the Frenchman: if he keeps on in the same vein, his face may once again be at risk. The next slap could come from Melania Trump.

Another person not to be envied these days is the prime minister of Canada, Mark Carney. After his remarks in Davos condemning the methods used by the American policy and reminding about Article 5 of the NATO charter, the empire struck back. On his social media, Donald Trump posted a map depicting Canada as part of the US, labelling Carney a governor and threatening Canada with 100-percent tariffs over its cooperation with China.

It’s probably high time we started placing bets: what course will Trump choose regarding Canada? A purchase? Referendum(s), taking into account that separatists in the province of Alberta are reportedly seriously planning to hold one? A coup? Or a “small victorious war”? In any case, there is no good to expect from the whole situation, however absurd it may appear.

The international community is already getting used to the US raids on Canada. But its unexpected “crackdown” on Britain over plans to establish the largest Chinese embassy in Europe is something new. The “casus belli” is the large diplomatic building, which, as they claim, will serve as a base for spies and as a means of intimidating fugitive Chinese traitors, who are known to be welcomed in the West. Well, it would be rather curious to know about the outcomes of this timid yet highly intellectual dispute. If the United States and Britain, whose spies, despite being immortalised in films, are often caught in various countries, are now so openly afraid of their foreign counterparts, it creates a real cognitive dissonance: where is the world heading?

Keir Starmer and Mushrooms

In this regard, it is impossible to set aside the recent report by The Telegraph on British Prime Minister Keir Starmer having visited a restaurant renowned for its hallucinogenic mushroom dishes. That certainly explains a great deal about modern British politics, doesn’t it?

Exiting WHO Free of Charge

While the European affairs are always stained by the traces of some banned substances, those in the US are dominated by an overblown material interest. The US has recently completed its withdrawal from the World Health Organization. The spicy part is that it left without paying off its $260 million debt, since Donald Trump refused to contribute to the collective budget. While the United Nations is grappling with the question “Wait, was it even allowed?”, the rest of the world is approaching the situation as a rather peculiar precedent. As for what awaits the organisation next, the jury is still out.

The “Grinch” Hijackers

Apart from everything discussed, in recent weeks, the West has witnessed a genuine epidemic of medieval-style piracy, amplified by stupidity. There were various cases. First, it was France who, based on its “suspicions,” detained the Marshall Islands tanker “Grinch” in the Mediterranean with an Indian crew onboard. Estonian special forces then displayed their unique logic by stopping a Bahamas-flagged container ship en route from Ecuador to Russia in Estonian waters. The ship was carrying flowers and fruits. Last but not least, the US intercepted and inspected Panamanian tankers in the Indian Ocean. In all three cases, the pirates didn’t manage to gain anything and merely demonstrated their brazen disregard for international law and other states.

The New Meme by Trump

Some words on the international law, on a related note. Let us chalk up another remark by the meme person to our list. “Dear Jonas!” said Trump, addressing the Norwegian prime minister Støre in his tirade, “Taking into account your country’s decision not to award me with the Nobel Peace Prize, I no longer feel obliged to think exclusively about peace, being now able to focus on what is right and lucrative for the US.” That is the kind of punchline that can and should be engraved onto the granite of caricatures and memes. Thinking about peace is optional, you see…

And as the cherry on top of the cake, strange as it is, comes the news about Tequila. The police of this Mexican town have arrested its mayor on the charges of extorting the beverage the town was named after from at least a dozen companies that produce the drink. The investigation is ongoing. On the other hand, what’s there to laugh about? The fight against international crime in action!

On that shocking note, the February episode of “Political Kaleidoscope” calls it a day. There is much more to come!

Ksenia Muratshina, PhD in History, Senior Research Fellow at the Centre for Southeast Asia, Australia, and Oceania Studies, Institute of Oriental Studies of the Russian Academy of Sciences

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