I think my family would agree on two things: that I’m not someone who likes being told what I can or cannot do, and that my inner childish pettiness has a habit of rearing its head every now and then. Why shouldn’t it? I find that a dash of pettiness can be rather good for the soul and can even help to put the dynamics of a personal or professional relationship back on track.

I remember once living with a guy who was forever taking for granted that I would throw his washing in with mine on a Sunday afternoon – but the “favour” was never really returned or acknowledged. So I followed my mum’s old Jamaican saying, “those that don’t hear must feel”, and decided that if recognition of my kindness wasn’t forthcoming, then I had no choice but to drag “Petty Patty” out – and act accordingly.

So I stopped doing his washing. And didn’t tell him. Now, when you’re a pettiness connoisseur, you know that the long game tends to be more satisfying and definitely more effective. There’s nothing like watching a plan come together slowly but surely as you wait patiently for the big reveal. The big reveal in this circumstance was when he realised, as he was getting ready for........

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