In an era of wedding aesthetics and algorithms, the missing conversation is dowry |
Dowry discussions return every year like mango season. We replay the same script for every dowry-related crime, with three major characters: An innocent victim, evil, harassing in-laws, and an aggrieved family seeking justice. The focus shifts to harassment, and we can absolve ourselves of collective responsibility. These news items comfort the common person of their generosity, “we’re not that bad, at least”. News, legislation, and textbooks distance us from reality, giving us the elusive comfort of things happening somewhere else. I know that dowry is universally practiced in the country in coded cyphers like gifts, but I always saw it spread on a big thaal. Dowry was not concealed by aesthetics; it was the aesthetic. If anyone missed the sight, there was also an announcement voicing the quantum of cash given in the dowry. Early exposure to such unsubtleties ensured that we never believed that dowry was something that happened somewhere else or that demands for dowry were a layered social art.
Growing up with the background score of these negotiations constantly set off alarms on our moral........