Ethics: My Board Chair’s Behavior Is Stressing Everyone. What Should I Say to Her? |
Ethics: My Board Chair’s Behavior Is Stressing Everyone. What Should I Say to Her?
What do you do when your board leader keeps having behavioral breakdowns?
EXPERT OPINION BY MINDA ZETLIN, AUTHOR OF 'CAREER SELF-CARE: FIND YOUR HAPPINESS, SUCCESS, AND FULFILLMENT AT WORK' @MINDAZETLIN
Illustration: Getty Images
A Reddit member writes: I’m the executive director for a young nonprofit, and [the board chair] has been self-inflicting angst and taking it out on other board members (and me) since she started four months ago. We really need her expertise, but it is hard for me to deal with behavioral breakdowns every three to six weeks.
Yesterday, we had a board meeting. Before the facilitator (also a board member) began, the board chair interjected stating that:
She has been incredibly stressed at our working environment since she’s started
She feels that there’s a “power struggle” going on
She was particularly “alarmed” at the facilitator’s first agenda item, saying “if this was meant for my benefit I wish I could have just been told directly.” (The facilitator was not making a passive aggressive dig.)
The thing is, she was the one who overwrote the facilitator’s agenda the day before, to the facilitator’s consternation. I had to step in and work with the facilitator to resolve. At the end of the meeting, the board member in question said “I apologize for my outburst but I felt like [the power struggle] needed to be named.”
“Would you be open to some feedback?”
Similar incidents have been occurring since she’s started; this is the first one where I’m actually a third party observer instead of being directly involved. I want to send her something like this, but I’ve been getting mixed messages from colleagues.
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Hey NAME, at the Monday meeting, you mentioned that you would’ve preferred being told directly if the org structure agenda item had been passively aggressively meant for your benefit. Given that request for directness and as I’m a third party observer, would you be open to some feedback on what you described as the “power struggle,” specifically in the days leading up to the Monday meeting?
The mixed opinions from outside colleagues:
She apologized, so resurfacing this will be a bad look for me
Maybe she has something external going on, just roll with the punches
This pattern needs to gently but directly be pointed out, to give the benefit of the doubt if she’s not self-aware
Regardless of intent, this is a good start for documentation trail
Minda Zetlin responds:
Frankly, I disagree with most of the feedback from your colleagues. From what you write, your board chair gave a sorry-not-sorry apology. She apologized “for her outburst.” She’s not sorry for what she said, she’s sorry for getting emotional when she said it.