A Harvard Professor’s 5-Step Plan for Better Conversations With People You Disagree With

The author of a new book on how to have better conversations says you really need to stop trying to win arguments. 

EXPERT OPINION BY JESSICA STILLMAN, CONTRIBUTOR, INC.COM @ENTRYLEVELREBEL

Having a pleasant and productive conversation with someone you disagree with has never been easy. These days in America it can feel impossible. 

One recent Pew poll found nearly half of us think people from the other political party are “evil.” With about even odds that a discussion is going to end with someone being called the spawn of satan, it’s unsurprising we’re reluctant to talk to each other. 

That’s terrible for our politics. We can’t find solutions to our problems if we can’t get through a conversation without screaming. But our reluctance to talk to people we disagree with is also lousy for business. Healthy debate helps companies stress test their ideas, surface valuable information, and build consensus. Without it, information bubbles form and resentments brew. 

Is it possible to turn the situation around? Can we relearn the lost art of healthy debate? Julia Minson’s answer is a resounding yes. A professor at Harvard Business School, Minson is the author of the new book, How to Disagree Better. As the title suggests, she’s on a quest to help us start having better conversations even with “the other side.” 

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In a recent appearance on the consistently fascinating HBR IdeaCast podcast, Minson explains she started researching this topic for personal reasons. The child of blunt Russian immigrants, as a young person Minson wasn’t shy about sharing her point of view. 

“My teenage self had a very loud opinion about everything,” she confesses. But as she grew older she realized bluntly telling people why they’re wrong didn’t produce very good outcomes. 

“What I have found is that it leads other people to shut down. It doesn’t matter how right I am…  when the other person can just walk away from the conversation or can just sort of sit there silently waiting for me to finish the rant, I know I’m not getting the best out of them,” she explains. 

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