You’re Chasing the Wrong Definition of Success. Here’s How to Fix It |
You’re Chasing the Wrong Definition of Success. Here’s How to Fix It
What if success was measured by what you don’t regret?
EXPERT OPINION BY ENTREPRENEURS' ORGANIZATION @ENTREPRENEURORG
Illustration: Getty Images
This article was written by Saahil Mehta, an Entrepreneurs’ Organization (EO) member in Dubai. Mehta is an author and success coach who helps business owners design a zero-regret life. He is currently co-authoring a book with Marshall Goldsmith on behavioral patterns that limit entrepreneurial success.
In May 2016, I went on a retreat to Ibiza with a group of entrepreneurs. Before the trip, we all agreed: No judgment. For five days, I didn’t have to be someone I wasn’t. I felt freer than I’d been in years, maybe ever.
On the flight home, I wanted to capture everything I felt. As I wrote, my eyes welled up, which surprised me because it wasn’t like me to cry. Suddenly, it dawned on me. If this is who I really am when I’m not afraid of what others think, then who the heck is this guy I’m going back to?
That guy wasn’t me. He was filled with fear of judgment and of not measuring up. That guy was carrying a lifetime of making others happy. It felt impossible to separate the real me from the version I created for others.
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The weight you carry
Think about all the baggage you carry. This might be inherited beliefs from family or expectations absorbed from society and media. It’s like climbing a mountain with an overloaded backpack — every extra pound makes it exponentially harder. That weight becomes exhausting and at some point, it might stop you from reaching the summit altogether.
When I got home, I made a list of which fears were running my decisions, what beliefs I had outgrown, and what felt like “not the me in Ibiza.” The list was longer than I expected.
Success that didn’t feel like success
By most measures, I had made it. I was living in a large house, married with two kids, a seven-figure net worth. I had checked every box that family, society, and media told me to check. Yet something was still missing.