The news, even that about priests blessing same-sex couples, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:

Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:

Well, it is the season to don your gay apparel.

While Heinz Ketchup stock goes through the roof. Coincidence? You decide.

Which, I assume, will improve his dance moves.

Too bad for Biden, by Election Day they’ll probably have forgotten.

… As opposed to Atlanta Hawks, who don’t scare anybody.

Elon Musk: Hold my Twitter.

Number one reason: you’re not given long to live.

I guess Ingraham thinks she’s an expert on the Nutcracker because she is a nut and a cracker.

He doesn’t seem to age. If they did a movie about his sex life, it would be called ‘Fifty Shades of Dorian Grey.’

Because of withholding taxes only poops out $375.56.

Apparently, Schneider doesn’t like President Biden. Can someone tell me what Starsky or Hutch thinks; so I don’t have to give a rat’s ass about that, either.

… But that he’ll shut down that bridge when the time comes.

Sounds like a bunch of croc to me.

… Marjorie Taylor Greene says she knew all along Taters was Jewish …