White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt lithely stepped into the Oval Office and there met with President Donald Trump, seated behind the Resolute Desk with a 6-pack of Diet Coke before him.

“Yes, sugar,” said Trump, staring at her bare legs and licking his thick lips. “Whadda you want?”

“Mr. President,” said Leavitt, “what do you plan to cover in your press briefing this afternoon? I need to tell the press so they’ll know what questions to ask.”

“Well,” replied Trump, “I thought I’d just list a few of my many magnificent achievements, in order to cement my reputation as the best president in the history of the world.”

“Yes, the American people deserve to be reminded again of your greatness,” said Leavitt, rolling her eyes. “Perhaps you’d like to hit the high spots with me first?”

Trump frowned thoughtfully, then said, “Sure. There’s always the 12 wars I’ve stopped. And getting Ukraine reunited with Russia was a real master stroke!”

Her face angled away from the president, Leavitt winced and muttered, “Russia won the war, with America’s help. There is no more Ukraine.”

“What did you say, Karoline?” asked Trump suspiciously.

“Just…wow!”

Trump smirked. “Yes, I am the only one who could’ve fixed it. Did I tell you how I aced my cognitive test?”

“Yes.”

“Then there are the taxes I’ve cut and the lower prices that Americans pay because of my astute, strategically placed tariffs.”

Leavitt, muttering again, growled, “Idiot. Prices are up 50% because of your tariffs. Don’t you ever read anything besides the transcripts of........

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