Experts Say 'Accommodating' Anxiety Is Quietly Causing Kids More Anxiety |
Experts Say 'Accommodating' Anxiety Is Quietly Causing Kids More Anxiety
Whether your kid is 3 or 19, research shows this behaviour actually makes their anxiety worse.
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No parent wants to sit back and watch their child experience anxiety over any situation, whether it’s going to a new dance school, a football game, trying new food or meeting new kids at school.
And while most parents have the best intentions, many actually come to their child’s rescue during moments of distress – which can be hugely detrimental to their child now and as they grow up, therapists told HuffPost.
The best way to help your child grow through anxiety and learn to manage it isn’t exactly a natural instinct. Here’s what to know:
The number one way parents fuel anxiety, according to therapists
“I think, in particular with anxiety ... the biggest mistake that we make as parents is that when we see anxiety in our kids, we jump straight into that ‘I want to protect this child from this experience.’ So, we go straight to protection mode,” said Cheryl Donaldson, a licensed marriage and family therapist.
Parents don’t want their kids to feel anxiety, of course, but swooping in to take them out of an anxious situation or fix it for them isn’t a way to empower kids, Donaldson noted. It’s actually doing the opposite.
Research suggests that accommodating anxiety makes it worse, said Hannah Scheuer, a licensed clinical social worker with Self Space in Washington state.
“I’m both a child and family therapist and a mom, and I’m just gonna say that watching our child struggle and suffer is one of the hardest things,” Scheuer said. “And if we accommodate and give in, we will make it worse. Accommodation is essentially allowing avoidance, and avoidance feels really, really good in the moment, even to adults.”
For instance, if your teenager is anxious about driving on the highway, avoiding it when teaching them to drive only makes the experience scarier and more stressful when they eventually have to do it.
“It just makes it worse and worse, it leads to long-term negative........