In the days immediately prior to the slaughter of Jews on Bondi Beach, Scotland’s professional political gentry were posturing again. Former First Ministers Nicola Sturgeon and Humza Yousaf were among the signatories of a Holyrood motion expressing solidarity with a group of hunger strikers on remand for offences connected with the proscribed group, Palestine Action.

There’s a reason why Holyrood’s elites are attracted to this cause: it’s one of the chapters in the Big Cut Out and Keep book of how to be a Leftie. Others include Saving Wur Planet and The Beginner’s Guide to Pronouns. Anything really that involves lots of flag-waving and attending weekend workshops on making your own banners and devising pithy slogans. You’re introduced to a glossary of terms that can be memorised and used at your next Glasgow dinner party in the west end or Strathbungo.

Thus, you too can affect an activist’s knowledge of that Middle East and pretend that why, yes, you are ‘a bit of a leftie’, darling. You know all about 1948; the evils of Zionism and Israel’s genocide. You get to design and make your own keffiyeh. This stalwart Middle Eastern outerwear can be knitted at home. It can also be used as an accessory to add a dash of ‘je ne sais whit’ to both formal occasions and intimate family gatherings.

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And here’s the big Brucie Bonus: you can channel a left-wing energy without, you know … actually coming........

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