'He is still quizzing me about my past - it is exhausting'

I’m 42 years old, never married, and have had a fun, fulfilled life working hard and travelling extensively.

Two years ago, I met my prince.

He split from his wife after 22 years and was besotted the minute we met.

The problem is, he is still bringing up and quizzing me about my past.

I get: “No, we’re not going to Bali because you’ve been there with Andy,” or “Nope, we’re not going skiing as you’ve done that with John,” etc, etc.

The whole thing is exhausting.

I thought in time he would stop with the questions, accusations and snidey comments – but no.

Otherwise, he is a decent, loving guy, so how do I put an end to this behaviour?

Would he prefer you were married off as a virgin without a passport?

Your partner is controlling and intimidating you by bringing up past names, places and experiences because he is jealous of the wonderful, adventurous life you have lived, which he wasn’t part of.

But surely these were the very things that attracted him to you in the first place?

When we agree to share our lives, it is not so someone can take over our existence or judge us for the life we have lived.

In a muddy situation, it is important to be crystal clear about how you feel, so tell him that your past is really none of his business, you have shared all you want to, and if he can’t accept that, then perhaps a break is needed to assess how you both feel.

Yes, you kissed a lot of frogs until you met your prince.

However, if his draining and insecure behaviour continues, pack him off into exile for good.

I’m retired and now every single detail of planning and organisation for nights out, holidays, weekends away is left for me to sort.

My friend retired last year but does nothing, and I am beginning to feel used.

He says he is happy to leave everything to me as I am much better on the computer.

But I’m scunnered now and don’t want to fall out or cause an atmosphere, so where do I go from here?

Your friendship should be just that – equal, fair and fun … not a one-man job.

He is off-loading the mental stress to you, which is why you feel so dejected every time a new adventure comes up.

Like most of us, your friend will have access to Google, so next time an idea is suggested say, “I’m passing the baton to you on this one,” and leave it at that.

I’m sure if he is struggling for ideas and information, he can turn to family to help out.

Give him a chance, and if it turns out to be a disaster, then you need to ask yourself which stress is worse – you doing all the work or leaving it to him.

Got a question for our agony aunt?

Email askjanice@glasgowtimes.co.uk.

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