Ask Janice -'I’m confused in case I might be gay or bi-sexual'

My colleague is a really good-looking guy, and I can’t stop staring at him.

I get nervous around him too, even if it’s just to say hello.

This is a worry because I got engaged at New Year to a fab girl and now, I’m confused in case I might be gay, or bisexual.

My head is all over the place.

We get pleasure from looking at beautiful things, so when we see someone we find exceptionally attractive, our brain’s reward system is flooded with dopamine, just like eating delicious food, or winning loads of money, etc.

But dopamine doesn’t just make you feel good, it can warp your judgement, and this is why I suspect you are confused.

Biologically, we are programmed to look for potential mates and attractiveness is an incredibly important aspect of that, but just like admiring a brand-new shiny Porsche in a showroom, you are aesthetically attracted to your colleague, nothing more.

Recognising a man’s attractiveness doesn’t cancel your love for your fiancée, so ogle at work, and build a future at home with your fiancée.

I’m losing sleep over a problem I hope you can help with.

Even though I have been planning my wedding for two years, my mum still hasn’t confirmed that she is attending.

The wedding is in April, and I need to settle numbers, sort table plans, amongst many other things.

Her and dad split five years ago, he is bringing his new wife, and although mum keeps saying ‘I’ll let you know,’ I think this is why she keeps stalling.

How do I get her to make up her mind either way? Carron.

This situation really isn’t as complicated as it seems and let me explain why.

Your mum may have reasons why she is reluctant to attend, but when all is said and done, this special day is all about you, not her!

I feel your pain, but your mum is out of order offloading her drama to you when you should be excited about your big day instead of potentially walking down the aisle with one eye on the entrance in case she magically appears.

Therefore, you need remove the drama, doubt, and her control of any decisions.

Meet her for a chat and give her a final ultimatum.

Hear her side of things about why she is stalling confirming her attendance at her daughter’s wedding, then firmly state that she has 24 hours to give you her answer and after that her invitation is revoked.

No more ‘is she?’ isn’t she?’ End off.

Of course, it will be upsetting if she is not there, and I imagine she will live to regret it, but at the end of the day, she cannot be allowed to keep you hanging on like this.

I’m sure, despite her absence or attendance you will have a wonderful time.

Best wishes for the big day when it comes.

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