“April showers bring May flowers.”
— Traditional
It’s been difficult to decide where to land on the Eclipse of April 8, 2024. Law enforcement, hospitals, and local businesses have been planning for what might happen for over a year and a half. The idea being most of what might happen will be good, but deep down nobody really likes surprises. Now schools are out and businesses are closing early. Wegmans will shut its doors for 30 minutes, my normal time spent navigating self-checkout. On one hand, this sounds serious. On the other hand, I picked up my vision-saving, eclipse-viewing paper safety goggles from my friend’s furniture store. OK, we’re also looking at a new mattress, but seriously?
Just how are we supposed to take all of this?
The ancients took it very seriously. The Babylonians temporarily replaced their king with a stand-in for the day of the eclipse, just in case chaos ensued. The next day, they killed him. How’s that for totality? The Ancient Chinese believed that during an eclipse a dragon had stolen the sun from the sky. Really. The........