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Moreen Simpson: Stay hydrated and relax your way through the heatwave

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As mum used to so elegantly pit it: “I’m awa’ ta greasy spot.”

Neesters love to hate the weather. ‘Tsaffa cal’ or wet in the winter, and we harrumph in the summer on the occasional hot day.

Tell the truth, I’ve never been a’ that great in the heat. Nor have my pals. When we were 17 – never been sun-kissed – on our first foreign holiday across Europe by coach to Italy, me and my bosom were so desperate to tan our lily-white bits after two days and nights basting in an oven of a coach, we lay doon and seriously sunbathed, slathered in oil, for hours.

When she stood up to go, she executed a perfect Sailor’s Hornpipe and fell into a dead faint. Instantly, a couple of ambulance signores appeared and carted her off on a stretcher in their vannie, then to........

© Evening Express

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