OPINION | MIKE MASTERSON: Respect's demise |
Editor's note: The original version of this column was published Sept. 11, 2004.
The longer I live, the more convinced I become that self-respect and respect for others are crucial to our growth over a lifetime. Both are fundamental to nurturing other human values. Yet respect is diminishing everywhere.
Like a garden lacking water or sunshine, a life without earned or inherent respect for everything that exists can make for a stunted and miserable existence. I suspect that creates more woes for humanity than any other shortcoming I can imagine.
Some might say the capacity to love is more crucial than respect. To that I respond that love cannot flourish without respect. Yet respect can exist without love.
From my observations, when respect fades in any relationship, the next building blocks to tumble are admiration and affection. Indications of missing respect are evident even to the untrained eye. People begin to take each other for granted. They begin to speak hateful words and express petty resentments rather than simply letting them go.
It's interesting that when respect starts to slide, people begin to resent and become irritated by many of the same traits they initially found charming and attractive in another person. And from all I have read over the years, it strikes me that people become the most enraged and violent whenever they believe they are not being respected. Just look at the enormous number of American children, from places like Cabrini Green and South Chicago to South-Central Los Angeles, being raised without respect for others.
But this plague of disrespect is by no means limited to socioeconomic conditions, race or culture. Whenever any of us begins to label, stigmatize, marginalize, demonize or oppress other human spirits, the accompanying lack of respect invites deep resentment and probable retaliation. And this seems to be happening in our country on social, political and religious levels.
Not long ago, I noticed a small news item about how poorly American schools are faring and what some who have analyzed this problem believe lies at the root. Care to venture a guess? Yep, it's lack of respect and the self-discipline that accompanies it.
The article, which quoted a study by the nonpartisan group Public Agenda, said more than a third of our teachers have seriously considered quitting their jobs because their classrooms involve as much crowd control as meaningful instruction. More than half the teachers surveyed said their schools now have armed guards. If respect were as revered as it should be in our society, this would not be the case.
"There is disrespect everywhere in our culture," one teacher said. "Students absorb it and bring it to school."
So just who's at fault, and who can correct the problem? Teachers said, and I agree, that the parents who chose to have children are first and foremost accountable for creating respect in their offspring.
If there is no respect between parents at home, how are children to learn it? Certainly not from television. Turn on any of those current talking-head, "political expert" shows and witness the shocking disrespect the bellowing participants reveal for each other.
The fluffy, blow-dried hosts of these televised shouting matches don't even allow their own guests to work a phrase in edgewise. The scourge of disrespect is flourishing, especially when we seem eager to watch it.
Our elected vice president orders a colleague to "go f- - - yourself" as a presidential candidate's wife tells a persistent editorial writer to "shove it." Our own presidents, of both parties, unabashedly proclaim falsehoods to the entire nation.
Rodney Dangerfield may have drawn laughs over the years with his "no respect" punch line. But it's no one's laughing matter today.
Here in Arkansas, we have plenty of public school teachers who feel disrespected, not only by students, but by parents and even their administrators, who spend more time shining the boots of parents and school board members than they do respecting and supporting their own instructors.
Everywhere we witness unsupported accusations, unfounded personal attacks, hate-filled rhetoric and falsehoods. The hearts and characters of basically good and decent people are called into question for no legitimate reason.
It is as if the very notion of mutual respect and civility has been abandoned in favor of embracing lies and enhancing personal agendas.
The most tragic part of all this is that our society relies for its survival upon such respect, and the discipline and mutual civility it fosters. This is not a nation built on generations of "me first and others be damned." You know what I'm saying is true, because you see the demise of respect as clearly as I do.
Mike Masterson is a longtime Arkansas journalist, was editor of three Arkansas dailies and headed the master's journalism program at Ohio State University. Email him at mmasterson@arkansasonline.com.