Happy New Year’s everyone. I thought this was going to be the year of diamonds and rubies for me, but Kulchoo tells me this is the year of the horse. I told him, “Sorry beta, I think so you’re hellocinating because I haven’t taken up riding, okay? Nor am I planning to become a tangay wala.”

He said that not everything was about me (imagine!) and that he was just referring to the Chinese calendar, which says that 2026 is the year of the horse. Apparently, where everyone else gives numbers to years, Chinese loag give animals. And also, apparently, they haven’t started this just now only, but they’ve been doing it for longer than even Asha Bhosle has been alive. And so, everyone is born in the year of some animal.

“So, tell, what is my animal, Kulchoo shweetoo?” I asked. “Let me Google it,” he said. “Hmm, let’s see. Right, turns out you’re a rat.”

“A rat?” I shrieked. “Are you crack? I can’t be a rat. I’m either a swan or a cheetah.”

“Nope! You’re a rat. Your birth year was........

© Dawn (Magazines)