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Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

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A Li’l Polk in the Ribs

Today is the 37th annual "Presidential Joke Day." Since I've already OD'd on news this month (I thought August was supposed to be the "slow" month), enjoy some POTUS punchlines:

“As thin as the homeopathic soup that was made by boiling the shadow of a pigeon that had starved to death.”
—Abraham Lincoln, on one of Stephen Douglas’s arguments during a debate

Reporter at press conference: The Republican National Committee recently adopted a resolution saying you were pretty much of a failure.
John F. Kennedy: I'm sure it was passed unanimously.
(See it here at 33 seconds in.)

"Governor who?"
—Joe Biden, when asked a question about Ron DeSantis


"In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress."
—John Adams

"When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'"
—Teddy Roosevelt

“I think that it is very important that we have a two-party country. I am a fellow that likes small parties and the Republican Party is about the size I like.”
—Lyndon Johnson

“My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now. When people wave at me, they use all their fingers.”
—Jimmy Carter

"Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day."
—Harry Truman

"Many of you know that I got my name, Barack, from my father. What you may not know is Barack is actually Swahili for 'That One.' And I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn't think I'd ever run for president."
—Barack Hussein Obama

They'll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your server. And now, our feature presentation...


Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, August 11, 2021

Note: From the Eyewitness News Center—Thighland nominated for Nobel Peace Prize after brokering tentative peace agreement between Pelvistan and Anklevania. Film at 11.

By the Numbers:

Days 'til the 45th president is magically restored to office for a second term, according to a manufacturer of pillows: 2

Days 'til the 175th Vermont State Fair in Rutland: 6

Covid-19 cases and deaths, respectively, in Florida as of last Thursday: 2,725,450 / 39,695

Percent of Maine adults who are now fully vaccinated: 80.2%

Amount the average worker is now making, 4.5% higher than before the pandemic: $16.50

Number of job openings in June, according to the Labor........

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