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Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

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06.08.2022

Late Night Snark: “Hey, This Week Didn’t Suck” Edition

"According to a new report, U.S. Intelligence officials killed al Qaeda leader Ayman al Zawahiri after tracking him down through his family. Yet another reason not to accept a Facebook friend request from your aunt."
—Seth Meyers

"Kansas voted to preserve abortion rights protections in its state constitution. Abortion rights were upheld 59 to 41 percent. That's not a win…that's a Kans-asskicking. "
—Stephen Colbert

Continued...

You are now below the fold. This is a Mallo Cup-free zone.

"This is a huge pro-choice victory. And it's especially amazing that it happened in Kansas, a state so red that Trump won it by 14 points. And this is where you realize that the anti-abortion views of right-wing lawmakers and some people on the Supreme Court don't mirror what actual Americans want. And that's a huge problem in this country. It's like letting the craziest dude in your friend group plan your bachelor party. You're gonna be like, 'I just wanted to play Beer Pong. How did we end up in a Bangkok prison?'"
—Trevor Noah

"The Chinese government is at Defcon-Pissedoff over Nancy Pelosi's visit to Taiwan. When Pelosi got there, one of the first things she did was vowed to preserve democracy in Taiwan. Hell, yes—Americans will always, always fight to preserve democracy in Taiwan. Will we preserve democracy in America? No spoilers, please."
—Stephen Colbert

Kansas has a new state bird after voting to preserve abortion rights. pic.twitter.com/ZlYsm1nHlP

"It was just reported that the Pentagon deleted all January 6th-related text messages from the phones of key Trump defense officials. When she heard, Hillary Clinton was like, 'Well, well, well' I actually don’t think Trump had anything to do with this. If he was involved, they wouldn’t have been wiped, they would've been flushed."
—Jimmy Fallon

Friends. Tonite I am sad. Tucker Carlson believes me too short to date…and yet somehow, miraculously, I remain tall enough to not know what Victor Orban’s ass tastes like! Is it goulash, Tucky? Seems like it would be goulash.
—Jon Stewart, responding on Twitter to Carlson’s Thursday night on-air insults, during which he criticized Stewart’s advocacy for passage of the veterans health care-related PACT Act.

And now, our feature presentation...

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Cheers and Jeers for Friday, August 5, 2022

Note: If you need a penny take a penny.........

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