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Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

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02.07.2022

Late Night Snark: Cassidy vs. Orange Madman Edition

"The most damning part of [her] testimony was when Cassidy Hutchinson revealed that when President Trump was told that some of the mob had weapons, he instructed security to take down the metal detectors and let the mob in. Apparently Trump wanted the metal detectors removed so that his supporters with guns could march to the Capitol. So I guess he didn’t necessarily want to hang Mike Pence, he wanted also to give him the option of the firing squad. So he's pro-choice. Good to know."
—Trevor Noah

"Look, anyone with a pulse knows that Donald Trump spurred the insurrection. But it matters that we're seeing hardcore evidence in the form of both footage and also the testimony of his most trusted advisors. If Trump and his goons don't face consequences we will continue our slide into authoritarian white supremacy. Lock up the motherf*ckers responsible for January 6th. Fortunately, if you want to catch Rudy, all you gotta do is put out a line of margaritas leading into a bear trap."
—Samantha Bee

Continued...

You are now below the fold. Beware of rogue yankee doodles.

"After Roe v. Wade got overturned some pro-lifers have been posting pictures of themselves holding up signs like this, that say ‘Please don’t abort…we will adopt your baby.' There is some other fine print though. It says offer not valid if baby is black, brown, gay or already out of the womb."
Jimmy Kimmel Live guest host Chelsea Handler

"We're still reeling from the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade. But we shouldn’t overlook all the other bad decisions, especially the tire iron they’ve taken to the separation of church and state. Last week they ruled that Maine cannot exclude religious schools from a public tuition reimbursement program. Okay, that's not good. Also, what kind of religious schools do they have in Maine? ‘Ayuh, welcome to the Church of Lobstah Day Saints. Put a piece of saltwater taffy in the pastor’s waffle cone and open your fish-fry menus to the Book of Chowdah...’"
—Stephen Colbert

News alerts this week pic.twitter.com/opy1a6nNiI

“The Supreme Court is now the Fox News of justice, in my mind. It is a cynical pursuit in the same way that Fox News would come out with ‘We’re fair and balanced’ under the patina of what would be a high status pursuit to the betterment of society, journalism. They are a cynical political arm.”
—Jon Stewart

"Whenever something happens that Fox News knows is bad for Republicans politically, like overturning an overwhelmingly-popular constitutional right, Fox tries to pivot by convincing your grandparents that antifa is currently outside their house right now threatening to take their flagstones and garden gnomes hostage."
—Seth Meyers

And now, our feature presentation…

Cheers and Jeers for Friday, July 1,........

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