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Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

1 2 14
04.06.2022

Late Night Snark: Barrels of No Fun Edition

"Look, I get that people need hobbies. But if my hobby caused over 45,000 deaths per year, I might think: Hmm, my full unfettered access to the tools of my hobby seem to be hurting people. Maybe I could handle a few extra guardrails. Look, I know nobody's listening to me. But responsible gun owners? Where the f*ck are you??? … If motherf*ckers like Greg Abbott and Ron DeSantis can keep books out of school, they can keep guns out of school."
—Samantha Bee

"The school in Uvalde already had heavy locking doors, and that's how the killer kept the police out. The police had to get the janitor to give them the key to unlock it. Any other bright ideas, dumbass? Wouldn’t it be a shame if people started piling their old doors up on Ted Cruz's lawn? Oh, man, I'd hate to see that. Imagine if there were so many doors in front of his door he couldn’t get out of the door."
—Jimmy Kimmel, on Ted Cruz's obsession with doors after the Uvalde massacre

Continued...

You are now technically below the fold. But I say we’re all equals.

"There wasn't just an armed resource officer on the scene, there was a whole platoon of police officers who responded to the shooting but didn't do shit to stop it while it was still going on. I'm willing to guess it's because they were shit-scared of a gunman armed with an AR-15. That's where we have to ask ourselves: do we really want to live in a society where anyone can legally buy weapons that the police are scared of?"
—Trevor Noah

Celebrating over 20 years of GOP thoughts and prayers! pic.twitter.com/tkds9BObE4

"Georgia Republican senate candidate Herschel Walker said in an interview that he's never heard former president Trump say that the 2020 election was stolen. Even more troubling, he also said, ‘Who's this Herschel Walker I keep hearing about?’"
—Seth Meyers

"There are a growing number of nuns who are joining Tik-Tok to show what life in a convent is really like. Because when the Catholic church tries to connect with young people, it always goes well."
—Colin Jost, SNL

I can’t go see the new Downton Abbey movie because I’ll tear a hole in the white person continuum.
—Conan O'Brien on Twitter

And now, our feature presentation...

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Cheers and Jeers for Friday, June 3, 2022

Note: Today's C&J is in English with cloaked subtitles for our Klingon and Romulan readers. —Mgt.

By the Numbers:

Days 'til National Doughnut Day: 0!!!

Days 'til Rods & Rails and the Perris Potato Festival in California: 8

Number of Biden’s judicial nominees confirmed by the Senate so far, the most since JFK was president: 66

Year during which sales of non-plug-in internal combustion-powered vehicles peaked and started a........

© Daily Kos


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