“Back to the Stone Ages”: Donald Trump’s Vicious Fools’ Day Speeches |
CounterPunch Exclusives
CounterPunch Exclusives
“Back to the Stone Ages”: Donald Trump’s Vicious Fools’ Day Speeches
Two nights ago, during his insane war speech on Iran the demented lunatic atop the US Empire claimed to have created the “highest ever” stock market. But within just minutes of his deranged speech, Newsweek reports, “futures tied to the Dow Jones Industrial Average, S&P 500 and Nasdaq all turned decisively negative, erasing earlier gains from the regular trading session and pushing markets toward fresh short-term lows.”
While stocks plummeted, oil prices surged, fueling further inflation, as I expected (this is why I filled my tank before the speech), adding to the affordability crisis that the orange-brushed madman has called a “hoax.”
The reasons for these rapid economic developments are not mysterious. A senior global investment manager told Reuters that Mein Trumpf provided “no additional certainty or clarity around timeline,” which is “what the market was looking for. The fact that we can expect 2-3 more weeks of action, boots on the ground were not ruled out and that threats to hit infrastructure were reiterated will put the market back on the defensive, particularly as we come into the long weekend.”
The Washington warmonger offered no well-defined strategy to reopen the Strait of Hormuz, the world’s leading oil and gas supply chokepoint. Telling European nations to send their navies and armies to the Persian Gulf to “just take the oil for yourselves,” the debased maniac said the strait would open “naturally” once the war ended – whenever that might be, after however much death, crippling, and destruction.
“They’re going to want to be able to sell oil, because that’s all they have to try and rebuild. It will resume the flowing and the gas prices will rapidly come back down, stock prices will rapidly go back up,” Jane Doe 4’s Rapist explained. So “we’ll see what happens,” but it’s all good: time to do a YMCA dance and focus more on wiping out what’s left of “democracy,” social justice, sanity, and rule of law in the imperial “homeland.”
The language of portfolio managers and oil traders is technical and anodyne, steering clear of the malevolent fallaciousness and violent psychosis of the Orange Monster’s speech. During his painfully delivered monotone address, the bloated and curiously pinkish war criminal let one lie after another slither off his satanic tongue:
“My first preference was always the path of diplomacy.” False.
“The regime continued their relentless quest for nuclear weapons and rejected every attempt at an agreement.” False.
“They were rapidly building a vast stockpile of conventional ballistic missiles, and would soon have had missiles that could reach the American homeland.” False.
“They were right at the doorstep [of developing] a nuclear weapon like nobody’s ever seen before.” False.
“Our objectives are very simple and clear.” False: Americans and the world have been consistently mystified and confused by the Epstein President’s shifting justifications and rationales, which have changed again and again from one day to the next. Last night – on April Fools Day! – was the first time the Amerikaner-in-Chief deigned to address the nation on the purported purpose of his arch-criminal unprovoked war, which opened with the slaughter of more than 100 Iranian school girls and has since butchered hundreds more children.
“We never said regime change.” False: the war opened with the Malignant One telling the Iranian people to rise up and form a new government!
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