CounterPunch Exclusives

CounterPunch Exclusives

The Donald’s Dictionary

A sampler, with apologies to Ambrose Bierce.

African Americans: an anthropological abstraction; any ethnic grouping or race that can be deleted from congressional representation; a lost tribe.

Audit: Something bad that happens to other people.

“Beautiful:” an adjective, best used to modify “missile strikes”.

Ceasefire: arabic; when less than a thousand children in Gaza are killed in a week.

Climate change: archaic; often thought to be used in connection with car air conditioning in the 1950s that provided separate air flows to the front and back seats.

Civil rights: in physics, a state of being that disappears when surrounded by money.

“Deranged scumbag:” diplomacy; any foreign state official of color.

Epstein: German for “a terrific guy.” (Dieser Epstein ist wunderbar.)

“Open the Fuckin’ Strait:” Attributed to Thomas Jefferson (1804) in correspondence over the Barbary Coast.

Gaza: any piece of land or territory where international law does not apply.

Gerrymander: an ancient burial ground for any ethnic grouping that opposes White Christian Nationalism.

Ghislaine: a person mentioned in Ripley’s Believe It or Not for having generated six million pages of documentary evidence in a pedophilia case brought against her, and only her, in 2022.

“Good, I’m glad he’s dead”: from the doxology; often sung at funerals in southern Florida, usually on the ninth fairway.

“Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything:” Latin; attributed to Pope Clement VII in 1527 A.D.

Graham, Lindsey: a jester; any court figure with little self-worth.

Greenland: an altered state of consciousness; any bad reaction to mescaline.

“Grocery prices, energy prices,........

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