Self-love isn't a feeling: it's supervision, especially at work |
We're told endlessly that we must "love ourselves first," as though self-love is a warm emotion we're supposed to feel on command. But loving yourself isn't an emotion.
Subscribe now for unlimited access.
Login or signup to continue reading
It's an action. It's supervision. It's self-parenting. And most of us were never taught how to do it.
We imagine self-love as bubble baths, treats, or learning to "accept our flaws." But real self-love is far more demanding. It's the part of you that says: I know what you want right now, but I also know what you need. It's the internal adult who steps in when the internal child is overwhelmed, exhausted, or spiraling. It's the voice that sets boundaries, even when you'd rather avoid the discomfort of saying no.
And nowhere is this harder than at work.
Workplaces are structured around supervision - KPIs, deadlines, performance reviews, reporting lines. We are constantly being overseen by someone else. So it's no surprise that many of us lose the muscle of supervising ourselves. We outsource our internal compass to the expectations of others.
How often have we stayed back late to make someone else rich because they set a deadline? How often have we overridden our own exhaustion because the culture rewards self abandonment disguised as "commitment"?
Psychology research backs this up. Burnout isn't just about overwork - it's often the downstream effect of chronic self-abandonment, where saying no feels dangerous and saying yes feels compulsory. As one therapist notes, burnout frequently emerges when people override their own limits because they fear conflict, rejection, or disappointing others. In other words: burnout is often a boundary problem, not a workload problem.
Another psychologist describes boundaries as the "figurative line" between your needs and the needs of others - and maintaining that line is essential to preventing burnout and protecting wellbeing . But many of us struggle with this because of people pleasing, perfectionism, unsafe past........